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Things You Need to Ask Yourself if You are Considering Whether to Stay in or Leave a Relationship.
By Susie and Otto Collins,
Relationship coaches
No
matter how long you've been in a relationship,
we don't have
to tell you that making the decision to stay
in or leave that relationship is one of the
most important decisions you'll ever make.
We've
both also made this decision ourselves in
our previous
relationships, so we know how difficult it
can be.
There
are certainly many considerations when making
this decision
and only you know your circumstances but with
that be said, there
are some questions that can help you to clarify
your situation for you.
In
this article, we're offering you some of those
questions and we
invite you to take some time to reflect on
them, writing out your
responses without censoring or judging them.
What
we've found is that you already know the answer
that is right
for you but in many cases you are afraid to
"go for it" for fear of
making a mistake. Whether it's that you decide
to open yourself
to your partner and "doing it differently"
or you decide to leave
this relationship, you want to make sure that
you've searched
deeply inside yourself for your answer.
If
your partner is willing and you feel like
you can ask, invite
him/her to answer these questions as well,
and then compare
your answers. If you are trying to make the
decision of whether
to stay in or leave the relationship by yourself,
your answers to
these questions will give you a lot of insight
into what decision
is best for you.
So here are a
few questions for you to consider...
1) Why am I considering leaving this relationship?
When
things get tough, most everyone has had the
thought roll
through their minds at some time or another
that maybe they
might be better off without their partner.
Although this question
seems obvious, reflecting on it will shed
light on how deep your
pain is in this relationship.
2) What is the real reason you are considering leaving this relationship?
There's always a reason underneath what you
say is the problem. This question is not to
trivialize your answers to the first question
but rather to ask you to delve deeper. For
example, if Susie had been asked this question
about her previous marriage, she would have
answered the first question with - "We
no longer have the same interests, the passion
has gone out of the marriage and we seem to
be leading separate lives." After going
deeper, she would have said, "I realize
I will never get the love thatI want in this
relationship."
3) What are the most important things you need to consider in order to make this decision?
You
might want to consider housing for you and
your children, financial concerns, health
concerns, or other life circumstances. An
example of this may be: "If I leave (or
stay in) this relationship, I won't be able
to attend college and that is an important
goal of mine."
4) How will the other people in my life be affected if I stay or leave and can I deal with that?
We
never know how others will be affected when
we make a decision of this magnitude. While
we need to consider how this decision will
impact them, the ultimate, conscious choice
should be ours and ours alone. If children
are involved, will they be able to see a better
example of love in action if you stay or if
you leave?
Considering
how staying in or leaving a relationship affects
the children is usually a major consideration
for anyone in this situation. We feel that
this is an important question to answer to
help you focus on the current and future welfare
of your children
If you are considering whether
to stay in or leave a relationship, thesequestions
are a good way to begin to focus your thoughts.
If you areinterested in delving deeper into
this question, you'll find many morequestions,
insights and personal stories in our book
:
Link: Should You Stay or Go?
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